Dick Cheney Just Sitting There… Waiting

Onlookers and passers-by are reportedly becoming more and more unsettled by former Vice-President Dick Cheney, who has for the past three days been sitting on the corner of Maplethorpe and Westford Sts, waiting. Waiting for what is uncertain, but the retired Vice-President appears resolute and unsettlingly patient, almost like he knows something we don’t. Said one local resident, “Look at him, he’s so still. It’s almost hypnotic.”

It’s unclear just how Cheney is subsisting, as he has not been seen to eat, sleep or blink since he arrived on the street corner, but it is speculated he has entered a form of trance whilst waiting for… whatever it is. Paramedics were advised not to approach Mr. Cheney after he destroyed a pigeon that flew too close with his steel-trap reflexes.

As of press time, the White House has yet to issue a statement regarding Mr. Cheney, but inside sources at the Pentagon claim he is being monitored via satellite in the event that he becomes a threat to national security.