China Commemorates 20 Years Since Absolutely Nothing Happened

In a landmark event, China was today proud to commemorate the historic 20th anniversary of everything being absolutely fine in and around Beijing, especially in public places. A spokesperson for the Chinese government read from a prepared statement, “Today we honour the wonderful tranquility of June 4, 1989. It is an opportunity to remember this significantly insignificant day and its distinct lack of events, as well as how nice the weather was.” News reports of the event have become so popular that they are already at the top of all Google searches performed within China.

Several CCP-approved sources recalled that June 4 was pretty much like any other day, and that it held no great historical relevance. One source in particular recalled that there might have been some kind of military parade that day, but that he was probably getting mixed up with June 6, since they were pretty similar and it was a while ago.