Penguin Releases New Zombie-Free Edition Of ‘Pride & Prejudice & Zombies’

In a controversial update of the literary classic, Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, Penguin Publishing has released a new zombie-free edition for more squeamish readers. “We’re very excited about this release,” said a Penguin representative. “For years now, countless readers have enjoyed the majesty of this classic tale of romance and zombies. Now we are proud to bring them an all-new yet familiar version of the story.” The new version, titled Pride & Prejudice, is reported to focus mostly on country families of Georgian-era England, as they attempt to secure financial security and romantic satisfaction, all without ever having to fight off attacks from the living dead. Notable changes to the text include a greater focus on themes of social politics, female independence and a distinct lack of ninjas.

The release has naturally sparked heated debate amongst die-hard fans of the original. “I refuse to ever read this debasement of Austen and Grahame-Smith’s classic,” read one online missive. “The very idea that this story could work without the juxtaposition of romantic conquest and zombie hunting is completely laughable.” If the adaptation is successful, Penguin also plans to release a vampire-free version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, titled Romanian Holiday.