Ted Delivers Annual "State Of Ted" Address

Speaking from his front lawn, local resident Ted delivered his annual "State of Ted" address today, traditionally used by Ted to defend his actions of the past year and outline a plan for the approaching one. "I know these are hard times," implored Ted. "And many of you are struggling. Well, Ted is struggling too, but I know we are gonna get through this." Ted acknowledged the hardships faced in 2009, including being laid off from his job at Target and the small dent he put in his car door, which has yet to be repaired. But Ted was also quick to assure that plans were in place for recovery, including that he had heard from his brother-in-law that the local Waffle House may be hiring.

Much focus was also placed on domestic Ted issues, such as the impending rent rise and the need for a new housemate, hopefully one who doesn't leave shit everywhere like the last guy. Overall, the response to this year's address has been positive, with many feeling Ted made the right decision by moving it to this week so as not to clash with the season premiere of Lost.