Cupid Promises Swift Destruction To All Enemies Of Romance

In a newly released tape, the rogue romantic leader known only as "Cupid" issued a stern warning to the singles community today, declaring that "all infidels who dare to deny my message of eternal love will suffer the fury of a thousand infatuations - none shall escape my arrows, none shall receive mercy." Expert analysis of the tape suggests that it was shot as recently as two weeks ago, and that Cupid appears to be in good health.

"There is nowhere I cannot reach, nowhere I cannot strike," continued Cupid. "Make no mistake, your spine shall tingle, your flesh shall be riddled with goosebumps and your heart shall be a flutter; and you will know, too late, that I have found you." In addition to his usual fundamentalist-romantic rhetoric, Cupid also claimed responsibility for an incident last month, where all attendees at a house party suddenly broke into a spontaneous orgy.