Millions Of Americans Decide To Finally Get That Thing On Their Neck Looked At

With the passing of the Obama administration's historic health care bill Sunday, millions of American citizens are at last able to get that thing on their neck looked at. Many have hailed the passing of the new bill, as that neck thing has been bugging them for a while and they thought they should really get it checked out. Furthermore, the friends and family of millions of Americans had begun to notice it, although none of them had said anything yet because they didn't want millions of Americans to worry.

"This is an important day for our nation, a time of great progress and achievement," said President Obama in a press conference announcing and celebrating the bill's passing. "I hope that all Americans will soon be able to enjoy the freedoms of universal health care, because - and I wasn't going to say anything, but - well, the neck thing. It's probably nothing, but it's better to be sure." In addition to offering diagnosis and treatment for that thing on their neck, the new bill will provide Americans with medical assistance for their goddamn back (provided it is killing them), as well as that stomach bug that seems to be going around lately.